the BIG one

I don't quite know what to say about the year 2009.   And I know what you're thinking - it IS a little late to finally be doing a year-in-review post, but I feel like I had to get myself comfortably out of the year in question to be able to look back at it with any clear perspective.  So, here goes my attempt at summarizing what can only be called the most difficult year of my life thus far.

I'll start with what I will describe as my "at-the-time" thoughts about my life in the year 2009.  You'll notice, since of course we are looking back, that hindsight is 20/20.

January: Isn't this new family room amazing?? I LOVE it! I am so glad we went through with it! What an improvement to our home, and we finally have room for the kids to run.  This is something we'll be able to enjoy forever.
February:  Wow, I can't believe how badly the economy is sucking wind.  I feel so sad for the employees that Brian's company just laid off - and I feel so blessed that he was the only one not to get laid off.  It is pretty hard to live on a cut-back salary, but atleast we have a job and a home.
March:  Ok...so it's getting a little difficult to stretch a 50% salary...atleast we have savings.  I wonder when the economy will start to bounce back.  No big deal though, we have our home, our families and hopefully soon we will be back at 40 hrs/week. :) (optimism at it's finest).
April:  I can't wait for our trip next month.  And I can't believe Kimball is almost done with preschool.  Oh - I'd better sign Noah up for Mrs. Patricia's before it fills up. I'll give her a call.  It's also probably a good idea that Brian has been on the prowl for jobs...not that anything will come of it, but it's best to look just incase Stapley doesn't start picking up anytime soon.
May:  Woah.  29 is a weird age.  I am really dreading 30.  I am going to suck every last bit of enjoyment out of my twenties that I can.  Counting down the days to our Newport trip. Yay!  And I really hope something good comes of all these phone calls with this new company.  Brian would be able to work from home and travel a little, but atleast we could stay in Boise.  Hmmm....maybe we'll just ride out the storm and wait for Stapley to rise up from the yuckiness.
June:  Newport was SOOOOO fun!!!  Brian got a weird "out-of-nowhere" call from a recruiter out of Coeur d'Alene, Idaho of all places.  I think they want to fly him up north to interview.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I don't think I could ever live there.  Oh, well.  I'm sure I'll never have to worry about it.  Noah's birthday sure snuck up on me - lots of work to do.  And Sloan's next month.  Can't wait for a fun-filled summer.
July:  I can't believe we have to move.  I want to live here forever and keep my home.  :(  I feel like my life has taken a sharp turn towards "WHAT THE H***!!!!!"  My life was just smoothly going along and then - BAM!  But...on the other hand I am extremely humbled by this new job we have been offered. It is a great opportunity and, by the look of things at Stapley, we'd better 'get' while the 'gettings' good.  Well, Brian leaves in just a few days to work in CDA, so I'd better enjoy my last few days as a normal family for a while.
August:  I can't believe how blessed we are.  Our home sold in only 2 weeks, which is unheard of in this dumpy economy, and we have found a home in CDA to buy.  We are moving the middle of the month, so I'd better spend as much time with my folks and sibs as possible.  It will be so sad to only be able to see them every couple months.  How weird. I know that most people aren't as lucky as we have been to live so close to our families, but I am sure going to miss them.  I hope they come OFTEN!!!!  I can't wait for mom & dad to come at the end of the month to see our new home.  I am heartbroken to be leaving my home, my family and my friends, but I know that, for some reason, we are supposed to move.  I felt it when we went to the temple last month and I feel it now.  I know Heavenly Father has been directing us to this unexpected change.  I just have to remember that when I am having those "woe-is-me" moments.
September:  What a whirlwind of a summer.  Noah turned 3, Sloan turned 1 and we moved.  What happened to my perfect, simple, easy life?  I am trying to make the best of my new situation.  We are settling in to our new home and routines. It was fun to see mom and dad when they came to help us move.  I can't wait to see them next month for Kimball's birthday.  I will hopefully already have crossed off lots of things off my new home to-do list and they can see all the improvements.  So much to do.
October:  Kimball sure has been LOVING the Kindercenter.  And I LOVE my time with the younger 2.  Mostly because they nap for the majority of the time while he's gone, but I also have enjoyed some sweet time playing with them that I know we missed out on this summer.  Mom & dad will be coming at the end of the month for K-man's birthday - I am SOOOOOO excited to see them.
KABLAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.  Oh my gosh.  This is NOT happening.  They were supposed to come up this Friday.  I haven't seen him since August.
November:  Blurry.  Re-entry difficult.  Why did we have to move?  Why were we prompted to move our life, our kids away from our families?  I could've spent his last few months with him.  I feel so robbed and cheated.
December: Also blurry.  Trying to keep the excitement of Christmas going for the kids, but it is proving difficult.  I can't wait to go to Boise for a few weeks and see my mom.


Wow.  I hope that wasn't as depressing to read as it was to write.  But, atleast for my sake, it was needed.  I look back at 2009 with confusion.  A LOT of confusion.  My life was just fine, but all of a sudden it turned sideways.  And then upside down not much later.  I never saw it coming.  First the move - the LAST thing I thought we would ever do.  And then my dad.  Also the LAST thing I thought would ever happen.  Things like that just don't happen to me.  I honestly said to myself often (before all this happened) that my life really is easy.  Ok, maybe easy isn't the right word, but that's how it felt.  I had never had to move. I had my family near by.  I had a wonderful home.  Brian had a great job.  I had never experienced any tragedies.  Why did it have to change?  I understand that bad things happen to good people...but NOT ME.  Naive, I know.

Now onto 2010.  What do I do with my 2010?  I really have no idea.  I do know that I NEVER know what might happen, so I think that I will keep that in mind.  Maybe that's what my theme for the year will be.  Maybe it will make me focus more on the important stuff.  2009 was, all in all, a crappy year.  I feel jipped.  I guess I should be optimistic for 2010, since it couldn't get much worse than last year.  But then again - I never know.  Better not get too comfortable.   Maybe a few plans can be made, but that's it.  Brian and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage next month.  In May, I will turn the ridiculous three-zero (seriously, what happened??????).  And our children will turn 4, 2 and 7 (SEVEN?????????????).  Wow.  Here's my early birthday wish for a calm, predictable, and fun year.

Thanks for all the love and support last year.  I am seriously humbled when I think of how many amazing friends I have, and of course am truly blessed in the family department.  Good luck to all of you for your 2010.